Feeling good...thank You Jesus!!!

Thank you Lord for always believing in me and for never giving up on me when I needed You the most! I felt so right tonight with Richard, like I didn't have to be afraid that I was going to slip up and be tempted to say something sexual or do something lustful. Richard even helped me by supporting me and making it alot easier for me to feel safe and I just couldn't let this go by without taking a moment to send some "thank you's" up to my Heavenly Father who deserves so much more! My mom shared a really awesome verse tonight with Richard and I and it was about knowing that when we take time to be alone with God, wether it be devotions or just prayer, that we need not forget to just try taking a chunk of that time being still and silent. We don't always have to talk to God, but just being quiet and listening is a truly powerful way of knowing what God is wanting to tell you. But the only way to do that is by blocking out all of the distractions of the t.v., cell phone, radio, whatever is going on around you and outside of you. Just being completely silent and still...that is truly listening to Him who created us to listen to His words and follow them. It was a great reminder for myself and for Richard to be able to do that when we take time to spend with God. Do you ever take time out of your busy day to spend with your Father, to show Him your love and just to share whats going on in your life?? I would challenge you to do just that, it doesn't take a very long time...heck, anytime spent wether devoted 5 minutes or 30 minutes...God just wants to spend some time with His children and He loves you so very much that He wants you to tell Him how much you love Him. He is a Christ of compassion and mercy and more love than you'll ever give out in one entire lifetime spent on earth. Can you truly fathom that kind of love? It's amazing how much He loves us, He gave up His life on the cross so that I can be sitting here tonight, typing on this labtop and not dead. I know that I will never be able to show Him my complete thankfulness for everything he does, because well, that could take my entire lifetime, BUT It does not mean that I can't give Him my thanks when He answers my prayers and shows me miracles. Heck, I can even thank Him for His beautiful creation and when I see a bird come down from a tree and land next to me while I'm working on the ranch, I can look at that bird and see it's beauty and that it was created by the same God that created me! Wow...that is some beautiful stuff...I really do want to before I die, go and see more of Jesus' beautiful creations on earth like in Europe, Africa, Australia, South America...I just think that would be really cool. Well, thats all for tonight...I'm heading to catch some zzz's cuz I got work tomorrow and am really praying for the wind to die down cuz it sure gets freezing cold out there working trying to clean up horse poop lol! GOOD NIGHT!!

oh ya.....THANK YOU AGAIN JESUS!!!!!

Integrity vs. Compromise

Integrity vs. Compromise...what does that mean to you? Well, I found out tonight something that my ears really needed to hear. All through highschool I've been sending the wrong kind of message to boys. I was always wanting to get a reaction out of them...I guess that you could say I was trying to be a tease. One things for sure, I wasn't showing Gods love. Now I know that was high school and that I wasn't in the least bit perfect and I guess you could also say that I was doing what alot of high school girls do, so you would probably say, "hey...whats the big deal?" Well it is a big deal! I'm a Christian and am supposed to be a living example of Jesus' love and when I talk the talk but don't have the actions to back my words up then I'm just being useless. With my boyfriend, the things I would say and the things I would do were wrong because of the plain fact that my intentions behind then were wrong. Look, it's not wrong for a Christian girl to wear a short skirt and a tank top on a nice summer day, BUT...if she's going into it with a mindset that she wants some guy to compliment her to satisfy her cravings to have attention, or if she wants a guy to go gaagaa for her exposed legs and possibly upper body...then she's completely comprising both her mind and her emotions. Having integrity means to be undivided in all aspects of yourself. To have a complete balance such as your mind, emotions, spirituality and physicality. When you let one or the others slip then it's going to affect the rest of them. In the Old Testament there were given many laws, then God condensed those laws into The 10 Commandments, and in the New Testament He did some more condensing and taught us about two commandments in which to follow, starting with what He said was the Greatest Commandment: "Love the Lord your God with all of your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind." The second one that he gave was kind of like it: "Love your neighbor as yourself."-Matthew 22:37-40
In both of these commandments, Jesus wasn't saying that the law was important, it's the love that is important. I believe the book is correct when saying that if you live by both of these commandments than I will be able to have sexual integrity. I also believe that if I live by both of these commandments than I won't have to abide by any other regulations or standards. I just really wanted to share this and in hopes that it might leave whoever reads this with an understanding about your own purity.

Last Sunday's message

Last Sunday at church my pastor spoke on accepting one another and admonishing one another and before the service had begun I looked at my mom who was also looking at the yellow paper that we fill out every sunday and we both said to each other..."This is definently going to be a good message today". What I felt was most important about this message was that our church and other churches are really forgetting all about helping the people within the church and the community. We are all one body and believers in Christ and we're also all ONE FAMILY of Christ and we need to remember to not forget our brothers and sisters. We need to more than ever encourage our brothers and sisters, building each other up and not judging one another. My pastor pointed out in Romans 15:7 what you can find God telling us about accepting one another-"Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God." My Pastor brought up two different points, one is: Are we in our Christianity showing legalism? Legalism is when we give out "extra biblical" rules and regulations which are then used to evaluate a person's relationship with Jesus Christ. It seems like that can shatter true unity with other believers and we as Christians do not need to be showing non-believers that we think were better and that we can tear down other people because there walk with Christ might not be as grown as yours. There are two areas where we violate the injuction to accept one another:
1.) By Judging on another-Legalism
2.) By showing Partiality-Prejudice
Paul shows us in Romans 14:1 how he dealt with Judging one another-Legalism:"Receive one who is weak in the faith, but not to disputes over doubtful things." Paul was sending a message to not only the weak, but the strong. He also laid a heavy burden on the mature chrisitans.
With showing Partiality-Prejudice there is a verse in Romans 12:16 given,"Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion."

I will give, due to time, the second half of the message about Admonishing later and then summarize and wrap it up. I hope by showing this truly needed message in my blog that others will see it and know that there is a great need for our fellow sisters and brothers to stop using prejudice and legalism in our churches!

A brand new step in a brand new direction

Well God, tonight has made me able to finally stick my awkward little foot out of the darkness and into Your light. Today has...well....it has been a day of temptations and tonight Richard and I finally started reading into the first part of our books that we got to help equip us to be able to have sexual and pure integrity in our lives. Within the first two chapters I was already blown away with how blunt they want to get across about not having sexual purity and the consequences that can come to having sex outside of marriage. I have to say, I really like that they are blunt, because it comes to terms of how well other people try to mask or make sex "quiet" without just point blank getting to the "nitty gritty" about it. I really need to hear about this stuff and I want to be able to save all that I can that is left as the gift that God gave me for Richard in marriage. I'm definently not perfect, and God doesn't ask us to be. I've made some very not wise decisions and just because I never had vaginal sexual intercourse, does not mean that I wasn't still giving into sexual immorality. When someone tries to ask another random person, "What is sex?"...usually that person would, depending on there age and where there at in puberity, say...well it has to do with the penis and vagina and then they would continue into how you make babies. But in all actuality...that person was giving me the wrong answer. They were actually answering and defining sexual intercourse. Sex is defined as the male and femaleness; or chromosomal. I mean, you wouldn't fill out on a form where it asks your sex, with the answer of virgin or non-virgin, would you? No...you would put (depending on if you were taking it seriously or not) Male or Female. God had given Adam the commandment to multiply and He had given him Eve as a way of doing that. But it's not just about having sex. It's about the gift that God had created with being able to take two bodies, two minds and two spirits and molding that into one. I believe that in order to achieve that I need to maintain sexual and pure integrity. I need to be able to be my same person on a friday night as I am on a sunday morning in church. I love Richard and I don't want to make what he feels hormonally as a male any harder by tempting him or feeling like I have to fulfill his lustful desires. And likewise for him too. I want to be able to feel safe with him wether I'm by myself with him or with a group of people. I want to feel guilt and shame free and I really believe....I mean truly believe that this book is going to change my whole life and what I think about sexuality in general. I really feel like I will defeat Satan and his temptations on my life and how sexuality will no longer be a challenge for me. I want to end with this one verse that I know I will always be able to remember and go to:

"Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality." -Ephesians 5:3

I'm so frustrated

Why God why??? Why do I feel like everything is going to be ok and then I get attacked by Satan again....I want to feel so safe and yet I don't when I continue to sin the same sin over and over again...why?? Please God just calm my soul and forgive me Lord of these sins....please just cleanse me of these sins. Lord, I don't want to feel like this anymore, I know that I'm supposed to start doing that book with Richard, but I need You and Your strength right now.

Lord, I call out to You right now,
Hear my prayers and calm my soul.
I need to feel that I will be safe when Satan
is tempting me.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. -Psalms 23:4

Thank you again Lord! AMEN!!

What am I meant to do in this life?

When I ask this question to myself I'm left with a very confusing look on my face. Like today, today has been one of those days where I just feel...well a hard to explain kind of feeling. Like i'm full of peace, but at the same time have the same worries as usual...like, what I got on the rest of my finals and wether I'm going to be able to keep my g.p.a where it is right now so I can continue to get scholarships that I desperately need to have to continue going to school and making my dreams come true. But I still feel this peace like everythings going to be ok and that God is watching over me. Like, my mom keeps freaking out on me about wether I'll have a good g.p.a. this term, but I keep telling her that if we act defeated than of course my gpa will be crappy, but right now I'm going to just keep my trust in the Lord because he's been the only one that has provided me in times of need and has always been faithful to me. A little bit ago, my boyfriend came back from a Dare2Share conference in Seattle, WA and he brought back with him this book that our youth pastor had bought for everyone. It was written by the speaker of D2S and it was all about equipping young teenagers to spreading the gospel. I mean, thats what the whole conference is about. Last year I went and that was where my boyfriend accepted Christ into his life and it was truly the most awesomest thing that happened for me, because I had been praying about being able to share with someone that I loved Christ and that person would be able to share back. But what I really wanted to say about that conference is that I really don't think that I got challenged enough or that my heart just wasn't in it, but I've started reading this D2S book and it's really got me thinking, "I need to be slapped or something, cuz there are tons of people out there wearing a sign on their heads "BOUND FOR HELL", and they need to hear the gospel". Now who is going to share that with them....their in the malls, at the grocery store, in your family, at school, everywhere. I want to share the gospel with them so badly, but I still feel like i'm just a scared little girl who isn't ready. I want to! I want to sooooo freaking bad...I get so sad when I think about all my friends who are going to hell, because they don't have Jesus Christ in their life....they're eternally without Jesus' hope unless someone gets to them and tells them. I was really encouraged by a story that was in the book about this kid who had gotten in alot of trouble growing up, and got the chance to go to a D2S conference in Florida and it had changed his life. Suddenly he was grasping every chance that he got to share the gospel...even with complete strangers. But it took this one sharing that really got me thinking "wow...how extreme...but wickedly sweet that is!"....He had been riding his bike this one day and came up to a stop light and had seen two guys in this car next to him and thought....if I don't share the gospel with them, nobody may and I don't want them to go to Hell...so he scooted up to the window and they lowered the window and he began to share with them....he was going through it pretty fast seeing as the light would turn green at any moment....and sure enough it had, but get this...he wasn't done, so he grabbed the side of the rolled down window and was being brought right along with them....he shared 20 seconds more as he they were reaching 20 mph, he shared 30 seconds more as they got to 30 mph and as he reached the end he let go and prayed to God that they at least had taken some part and absorbed it and may reach Jesus in time. WOW...ya, that was exactly what I said and since then I've felt this ever growing need to challenge myself and be able to jump over my comfort zones to reach someone. I know that not everyone has the gift to be able to just go up to someone and start sharing the gospel right there and right then, but I want to be able to at least have more of a confidence level to not be afraid to share the gospel if God is asking me to right then with that person. I believe that this book will help me be able to start conversations with non christians or people of other religions such as mormons, jehova's witness, jews, just to name a few.....
I also am confused about wether being a teacher is what I want to truly do with the rest of my life. I love kids, don't get me wrong...and I am drawn to the challenges of those kids that don't have great cookie-cutter homelifes and are disobedient in class because of it. I just don't know if teaching is where I want to do it. It could be so many things....I've thought of sunday school teaching, doing a program of dance for those who are on the streets doing things that they shouldn't as a way for them to get out of that and do something positive for there life. That way I could dance which is a passion of mine. When I dance, I feel so free, especially when I'm by myself in my dance room and I have the music playing and I feel like there is nobody in the room and I just dance. When I feel like i'm so angry or lonely or just in pain...I dance...it's a truly wonderful outlet for me and it allows me to be creative as well. If I could reach kids and dance at the same time I would be so happy. I just sometimes feel like I don't have any guts to make it happen. Like I'm afraid it would fail. I know that I'm supposed to trust in God for that, but I'm still human and I still feel failure and fears like every human does. I know that I've gone in all different directions here, but dang I feel really good just putting that all out :).
Thank you Jesus for putting this calming feeling over me and for giving me insight right now to just keep trusting in you! AMEN!!!