When I ask this question to myself I'm left with a very confusing look on my face. Like today, today has been one of those days where I just feel...well a hard to explain kind of feeling. Like i'm full of peace, but at the same time have the same worries as usual...like, what I got on the rest of my finals and wether I'm going to be able to keep my g.p.a where it is right now so I can continue to get scholarships that I desperately need to have to continue going to school and making my dreams come true. But I still feel this peace like everythings going to be ok and that God is watching over me. Like, my mom keeps freaking out on me about wether I'll have a good g.p.a. this term, but I keep telling her that if we act defeated than of course my gpa will be crappy, but right now I'm going to just keep my trust in the Lord because he's been the only one that has provided me in times of need and has always been faithful to me. A little bit ago, my boyfriend came back from a Dare2Share conference in Seattle, WA and he brought back with him this book that our youth pastor had bought for everyone. It was written by the speaker of D2S and it was all about equipping young teenagers to spreading the gospel. I mean, thats what the whole conference is about. Last year I went and that was where my boyfriend accepted Christ into his life and it was truly the most awesomest thing that happened for me, because I had been praying about being able to share with someone that I loved Christ and that person would be able to share back. But what I really wanted to say about that conference is that I really don't think that I got challenged enough or that my heart just wasn't in it, but I've started reading this D2S book and it's really got me thinking, "I need to be slapped or something, cuz there are tons of people out there wearing a sign on their heads "BOUND FOR HELL", and they need to hear the gospel". Now who is going to share that with them....their in the malls, at the grocery store, in your family, at school, everywhere. I want to share the gospel with them so badly, but I still feel like i'm just a scared little girl who isn't ready. I want to! I want to sooooo freaking bad...I get so sad when I think about all my friends who are going to hell, because they don't have Jesus Christ in their life....they're eternally without Jesus' hope unless someone gets to them and tells them. I was really encouraged by a story that was in the book about this kid who had gotten in alot of trouble growing up, and got the chance to go to a D2S conference in Florida and it had changed his life. Suddenly he was grasping every chance that he got to share the gospel...even with complete strangers. But it took this one sharing that really got me thinking "wow...how extreme...but wickedly sweet that is!"....He had been riding his bike this one day and came up to a stop light and had seen two guys in this car next to him and thought....if I don't share the gospel with them, nobody may and I don't want them to go to Hell...so he scooted up to the window and they lowered the window and he began to share with them....he was going through it pretty fast seeing as the light would turn green at any moment....and sure enough it had, but get this...he wasn't done, so he grabbed the side of the rolled down window and was being brought right along with them....he shared 20 seconds more as he they were reaching 20 mph, he shared 30 seconds more as they got to 30 mph and as he reached the end he let go and prayed to God that they at least had taken some part and absorbed it and may reach Jesus in time. WOW...ya, that was exactly what I said and since then I've felt this ever growing need to challenge myself and be able to jump over my comfort zones to reach someone. I know that not everyone has the gift to be able to just go up to someone and start sharing the gospel right there and right then, but I want to be able to at least have more of a confidence level to not be afraid to share the gospel if God is asking me to right then with that person. I believe that this book will help me be able to start conversations with non christians or people of other religions such as mormons, jehova's witness, jews, just to name a few.....
I also am confused about wether being a teacher is what I want to truly do with the rest of my life. I love kids, don't get me wrong...and I am drawn to the challenges of those kids that don't have great cookie-cutter homelifes and are disobedient in class because of it. I just don't know if teaching is where I want to do it. It could be so many things....I've thought of sunday school teaching, doing a program of dance for those who are on the streets doing things that they shouldn't as a way for them to get out of that and do something positive for there life. That way I could dance which is a passion of mine. When I dance, I feel so free, especially when I'm by myself in my dance room and I have the music playing and I feel like there is nobody in the room and I just dance. When I feel like i'm so angry or lonely or just in pain...I dance...it's a truly wonderful outlet for me and it allows me to be creative as well. If I could reach kids and dance at the same time I would be so happy. I just sometimes feel like I don't have any guts to make it happen. Like I'm afraid it would fail. I know that I'm supposed to trust in God for that, but I'm still human and I still feel failure and fears like every human does. I know that I've gone in all different directions here, but dang I feel really good just putting that all out :).
Thank you Jesus for putting this calming feeling over me and for giving me insight right now to just keep trusting in you! AMEN!!!
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