Well God, tonight has made me able to finally stick my awkward little foot out of the darkness and into Your light. Today has...well....it has been a day of temptations and tonight Richard and I finally started reading into the first part of our books that we got to help equip us to be able to have sexual and pure integrity in our lives. Within the first two chapters I was already blown away with how blunt they want to get across about not having sexual purity and the consequences that can come to having sex outside of marriage. I have to say, I really like that they are blunt, because it comes to terms of how well other people try to mask or make sex "quiet" without just point blank getting to the "nitty gritty" about it. I really need to hear about this stuff and I want to be able to save all that I can that is left as the gift that God gave me for Richard in marriage. I'm definently not perfect, and God doesn't ask us to be. I've made some very not wise decisions and just because I never had vaginal sexual intercourse, does not mean that I wasn't still giving into sexual immorality. When someone tries to ask another random person, "What is sex?"...usually that person would, depending on there age and where there at in puberity, say...well it has to do with the penis and vagina and then they would continue into how you make babies. But in all actuality...that person was giving me the wrong answer. They were actually answering and defining sexual intercourse. Sex is defined as the male and femaleness; or chromosomal. I mean, you wouldn't fill out on a form where it asks your sex, with the answer of virgin or non-virgin, would you? No...you would put (depending on if you were taking it seriously or not) Male or Female. God had given Adam the commandment to multiply and He had given him Eve as a way of doing that. But it's not just about having sex. It's about the gift that God had created with being able to take two bodies, two minds and two spirits and molding that into one. I believe that in order to achieve that I need to maintain sexual and pure integrity. I need to be able to be my same person on a friday night as I am on a sunday morning in church. I love Richard and I don't want to make what he feels hormonally as a male any harder by tempting him or feeling like I have to fulfill his lustful desires. And likewise for him too. I want to be able to feel safe with him wether I'm by myself with him or with a group of people. I want to feel guilt and shame free and I really believe....I mean truly believe that this book is going to change my whole life and what I think about sexuality in general. I really feel like I will defeat Satan and his temptations on my life and how sexuality will no longer be a challenge for me. I want to end with this one verse that I know I will always be able to remember and go to:
"Among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality." -Ephesians 5:3
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